A poem I hope?
You are a ghost now past,
your photo stands still
to look at, at will.
Your eyes
they are young,
your journey
just begun.
Could you forsee
me,
was it a dream
or nightmare
unseen.
I gave you some
worried nights
a child of the devil,
not much delight.
You died to soon
to know
your child of burden
did grow.
You would be proud dad
to see
your young eye’s
are now shining in me.
very nice poem10-10
7 Responses
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March 7th, 2010 at 9:55 am
very good very deep and moving
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March 7th, 2010 at 10:18 am
very nice poem10-10
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March 7th, 2010 at 10:56 am
I’m not the usual sycophantic answerer fishing for points,when i say that’s a deeply moving poem good job
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March 7th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Yes, there is feeling here.
A couple of tweaks with spelling and punctuation would make it rather perfect!
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March 7th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Melikes. =)
The pace is just right, and I like how the rhyming flows, and doesn’t seem like it has been ‘forced’.
Great stuff. <3
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March 7th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
If it really means something to you then its great, but personally not mwriting style
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March 7th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
that is really good. I feel intrigued and desperately upset for you. this poem is resoundingly remonant of loss.
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